Mistreat Your Vendors, and Prepare to Suffer the Consequences

By Gene Marks

Like many small business owners, I think my vendors and suppliers are gluttonous pigs. They’re typically out for themselves and could care less about the welfare of my company. And, frankly, I feel the same about them. Whether they succeed or fail is of no matter to me. Getting my products and services as cheap as possible is really the only thing that I care about. That’s just good business in today’s dog-eat-dog world. Want to be like me? Here’s five practices I employ to get the most out of my vendors.

I always pay them late.
They’ll get their money when I’m ready to give it to them. They can wait. I’d rather it stay in my account, earning interest, than in theirs. Most vendors I know are money-grubbers anyway. And guess what? No matter how much I mess them around with payments, they’ll always take my next order. Sometimes I like to have some fun and short pay them, too. That really ticks them off. True, a key vendor may not react as quickly as I hope because we’re a late payer. And my reputation has caused some companies to not want to do business with me. But who needs those weaklings anyway? I’ll be just fine.

I like to treat their people like children. 
Most of them are morons anyway. I don’t need to be nice. Nice guys finish last. I show no patience. I show no sympathy. Whenever something goes wrong, I yell. No mistake is small enough. I like to let them know who’s the boss. And that’s me, the customer. They don’t have to like me. Just fear me. I’ll get the best service possible by acting as cruel as I can. Last week, I had a customer service rep in tears because a shipment was a day late. I knew she had a very sick mother and asked her how she would feel if her mother’s medication was a day late. That showed her. Maybe I won’t be getting any favors or special attention when I really need it. Maybe I’m giving reason for these people to not go out of their way for me when I might need them. But who needs to be nice nowadays anyway? Not me.

I always haggle.
For thousands of years, people have negotiated prices, so why should I be different? I always haggle, no matter how annoying it is to my supplier. In fact, I won’t place an order without insisting on a reduced price. No amount is too small for me. I’ll demand, complain, and then pester until I get what I want. Even a few pennies saved nowadays can go a long way. My latest coup was negotiating a discount on my United Way contribution. Who do those guys think they are, with their charity drives? I think they’re all a bunch of crooks anyway. Some people say that too much negotiating can have a bad effect on a relationship. What do they know? Just show me the money.

I never like to meet them. 
I rarely see my five ex-wives and kids. But they’re fine taking my support checks. Like I have to meet my vendors too? Personal relationships are for the weak and feeble-minded. I’ve got email and a telephone, and that’s plenty for me. One time a supplier came to my company and I ordered him locked out. It was quite a gas watching him as he stood on the opposite side of our glass entryway while I turned around and mooned him. I don’t care how important a supplier is to me. It doesn’t matter that personally knowing someone may help build a better relationship and come up with ideas for each other. You want ideas? Go to the movies, I say.

I could care less about their business.
Sometimes I bump into opportunities for a supplier, like a potential lead. I never pay attention to these. It’s a dog-eat-dog world. Why would I give a lead to a vendor anyway? I’m too busy covering my own behind, and I’ve got to worry about him? Forget it. OK, maybe he’d be appreciative and would look out for opportunities for me. Maybe taking an interest in his business would help us come up with ideas that could benefit us both. But I don’t need him, or anyone else for that matter. I’ll look after myself, thank you very much.

I hate my vendors. I don’t need them. They need me. In my opinion, the best way to build a relationship is to have none at all. I have better things to do...
Like kick a few puppies. And declare bankruptcy. HBM

Gene Marks is a columnist, speaker, author, and business owner. He owns and operates the Marks Group PC, a highly successful ten-person firm that provides technology and consulting services to small and medium sized businesses. He writes monthly small business management and technology columns for both Forbes.com and BusinessWeek.com as well as a bi-weekly column that appears nationally in American City Business Journals. Gene's the author of 4 books on small business, his latest being The Streetwise Small Business Book of Lists. To learn about Gene and read more articles, visit his site www.quickerbetterwiser.com

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